I’m not even sure what I’m gonna write today, all i know is I’m damn tired. Wednesday night I got about 3ish hours of sleep. I woke up early and couldn’t fall back asleep. Got up Thursday morning at my usual time, went to work, tackled a quick project right after, and came home around 4pm. 630pm I get a text that one of my workers didn’t show up for his shift. A few quick calls to see if someone else can cover it — no dice. Back to the store from 7pm to 10pm, home around 1030. Had a heck of a time falling asleep, and what sleep I did get was pretty poor. My fitbit says I got about 3.5hrs. Up and at it again today, working in windy, cold, damp, drizzly weather. A few months ago this would have been the perfect recipe for a meltdown. I held it together (barely) but here are the things that used to be triggers for anxiety and frustration about 98% of the time.
- wind (anything above 25km/h or 15mph) especially if it’s really gusty winds.
- working in damp conditions
- lack of sleep
- people being irresponsible, disrespectful, or disregarding my safety or personal space
- people I don’t know well touching me (even innocently) especially if its unexpected.
Well, all those things happened at least once in the last 48 hours. Some happened a few times. And 3 or 4 months ago I’d probably had a complete meltdown (or at least come very close). Today was definitely not easy, but I survived. I know a lot of today’s frustration and anxiety was just a build-up due to lack of sleep, but certainly some of the external factors really pushed my limits.
Oh well. I’m home, I’m safe, I’m warm, I’m in comfortable clothes. And I think I’ve got pizza to reheat for supper. Life may not be glamorous at the moment, but it’s the little things that really matter. I don’t want to rehash it. I’m not trying to ignore it and minimize it, but at the same time…it happened, and it’s over, and it’s in the past. I’m going forward, not backward.
The Phoenix Narrative 