Yesterday was….well, let’s just say it wasn’t one of my better days in recent history. I woke up to my alarm and started my morning routine of wandering into the kitchen to turn on the kettle and set up my french press for coffee. To the washroom to put in my contacts, and back to the kitchen to get the coffee going. I poured my coffee and had a few sips while seeing if there was anything new or interesting going on in the world or on social media. Pop my morning meds and a few more sips of coffee – and as my brain is starting to fully wake up, I realize I’m feeling off. At that time I couldn’t even discern if it was mentally off, or physically, or a combination. All I knew is something didn’t quite feel right. I shoved it to the back of my mind and finished my coffee and got my stuff ready for work.
The ride to work was uneventful, getting to the store and getting stuff ready was uneventful too. Nothing out of the ordinary yet something just wasn’t right. Well, I’ve worked a full shift feeling far worse, so I was determined to grind out my day in hopes that whatever was making me feel off would settle itself out so I could go about my day. Store opened at 6am as per usual and still that nagging feeling of “something’s not right” – almost like that uncomfortable feeling that you forgot to turn off the stove – just a weird distressing feeling. Customers started to come and go and I was hustling around helping everyone. By 630am I noticed I was breathing a bit heavier than normal, along with an increasing feeling of uncertainty. by 7am my breathing was definitely becoming laboured and becoming a distraction to me. Between customers I tried to even out my breaths – to take deeper, steady breaths instead of the rapid shallow breathing I was doing. I figured something was triggering my anxiety so I did my best to calm my thoughts and breathing – but my thoughts weren’t racing like they normally would during an anxiety episode. Sure my pulse was higher than normal, but that could easily be cause by the rapid breathing. I was a little wound up but again – not being able to get a decent amount of oxygen into my lungs would probably have that effect. All morning it was like that – some moments were better than others, but as a whole it seemed to be a losing battle. Around 830am or so a coworker and friend told me to just sit down for 10 minutes and rest. Normally I’d just push through but at that point I figured it was a good idea. After a bit of a break she asked me if I was ok and suggested I call someone to cover the rest of my shift. I stalled and told her if I wasn’t feeling better in another half hour I would. Well, it started to get busy again. Between waves of customers I fought like crazy to get my breathing back under control – by this point I was breathing hard and fast, and my lungs felt like I’d run hard for 2 or 3 minutes – they burned, they ached, and I couldn’t suck in enough air to satisfy my body. I don’t know if customers noticed or not – I was just trying to make it to my break at 11am. The same coworker reminded me at around 945 that I’d committed to calling someone in if I wasn’t doing better – and it was obvious to both of us that if anything, I was slowly getting worse.
I’m not one to go home from work if I’m not feeling well – I have to be pretty dang sick to do that. Usually I’ll just ask for an extra break, but I knew that wasn’t going to help whatsoever. I poked my head into the GM’s office and asked her to call someone in to cover my shift. I don’t know if she knew how unwell I was or not but she just nodded and said “ok”. I went back and did my best to hustle until around 1030am when someone came to take over for me. The coworker I’d mentioned before told me she’d give me a ride, and I agreed. I wasn’t in any shape to ride my bike. In fact, I told her to drive me to the hospital – which she was already planning on doing.
I arrived at the ER about 1045am and was finally released around 415 pm. Vitals checked a few times. They listened to my heart and lungs several times. a number of different questions from different nursing staff. A few chest xrays. Questions about asthma (which I have a very mild case of). There were a few concerns but they’re thinking it was likely a subconscious anxiety issue that was compounded by high humidity and lingering smoke drifting in from various forest fires. She sent me home with an inhaler (like the ones I used to have and stopped buying because they’d only have a few uses before they’d expire).
So today was much better – fatigue which to some degree is something that’s become normal. It wasn’t too bad today, all things considered. I could easily just chalk it up to lingering effects of yesterday’s stress.
And my doctor’s office called – they want to review the xrays with me which is a little concerning. But worrying about it won’t change anything, so I’m doing my best to just keep working on things that help me stay focused day-to-day.
And yes, I’m still working on one major post. I think I’m just about done – a few more paragraphs before I get some people to check it over. This is one i’ve been pondering for a while and it has taken on a bit of a life of it’s own. It started with a rather simple concept that’s now over 5000 words – and I’m still not confident I’ve made my points clearly – which is why I’ve asked a few people to check it over to make sure I’ve presented my thoughts clearly.
Anyway, that’s about it. It’s just after 7pm, and I’m seriously thinking about being in bed in about an hour. I may not fall alseep right away but at least I’m in bed.
The Phoenix Narrative 
One thought on “31/8/17”